Collapsing, Unlearning and Rebuilding

Unmasking as a process of change

If you prefer to listen, the audio version is here

In my blog on how perfect parenting pressures are a neurodivergent nightmare (here) I wrote about the process through which we might realise that parenting in a certain, idealised way might become a form of masking for neurodivergent parents. A lot of parenting advice can provide clear strategies to follow, which can be particularly attractive when you’re someone who masks in different situations. But hard to maintain, when your child is there…well, all the time. And sees the unmasked you whether you like it or not.

Becoming a parent can be so powerful, particularly to sensitive children who are excellent at reading emotions, if we can allow ourselves to see the person they see in us. All children hold a mirror up to their parents. And, if we can bear it, they show us the parts of us that we have ignored and kept hidden for many years. It’s not a coincidence that many parents are discovering their neurodivergence through the experiences of their children.

This has been like uncovering a whole new layer of understanding for me. As someone who has studied psychology, parenting, trauma and the development of relationships for over twenty years now, bringing in the complexity of neurodivergence - my own neurodivergence - was like opening a door to a new universe. What can I compare it to?