Ummmm

Is writing just INFO-DUMPING?????

Today’s blog is a freebie mainly because I’m so excited. It does contain quite a few f-bombs so if you have a sensitive constitution please look away

I had a thought. Bear with me. I’m out of treacle mode and into full on firework mode (what I described here as just a bit into stress, but not so stressed as to be overwhelmed by it). Because I’ve been doing some adult autism assessment workshops with Esther Fidock and Marie Camin and they are BLOWING MY MIND and I’m having lightbulb moment upon lightbulb moment.

All those questions that have been sitting unanswered since I started exploring autism and trying to understand how to fill the gaps (massive black holes) that were in my mind from my training and prior understanding of… people. The questions that have led to the dissolution of previous models in my mind (that I wrote about here) and that need to just stay in a somewhat puddly place letting those questions be unanswered (that I wrote about here).

Well, holy fuckamoly people, the questions are starting to be answered! And it’s fucking BRILLIANT.

Photo by Elisha Terada on Unsplash

I will write more about what I’m learning, because the new paradigms I’m discovering just make so much sense to me and fit very much with my, I guess, implicit values and ethics. AND are opening a door into working as a psychologist in a way that feels comfortable again.

And, because I’ve been becoming so used to the puddly place of not-knowing, I’m also really enjoying a sort of delicious uncovering of information rather than the urgent need to KNOW EVERYTHING FIVE MINUTES AGO which I would usually be feeling at this point. AND I’m experiencing that wonderful feeling of a new model starting to be built, which is my favourite state of mind to be in.

If you’re interested, as opposed to treacle mode, this firework mode is fantastic. Everything is wonderful and life is beautiful and people are amazing. (As an aside, I imagine this is why so many autistic and AuDHD people are misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder although for me impulsive acts tend to be things like writing very quickly on my laptop rather than spending all my money, thankfully). I know this phase is also often shortlived so I make the most of it when I can.

One of the things I’ve found super interesting in learning about autism and autistic communication (which I wrote about here)…. is the idea of info dumping and the way in which autistic people will communicate with each other. Which Esther described today as more comparable to one person info dumping/monologuing while the other listens, and then swapping to share related information. Small talk doesn’t really happen, because it’s not necessary to feel connected. And I know that, for me, a passionate interest of mine at the moment is autism and trauma (so info ‘consuming’ a LOT of that!) and I’m then writing about it here as well as making notes and journalling, to help myself make sense of it. And it’s a massive bonus to me that you’re here interested in reading it, and then sometimes you let me know how it fits for you too. And that’s my favourite kind of conversation. And - although neuronormative rules have told me that communication is ‘best’ in person and verbally - I’m realising how much that is just really not the case for me. In writing, thoughts can be fully expanded, and words can be carefully chosen, and when you take someone at face value then there is actually very little room for misinterpretation. AND you don’t have to deal with all the confusing stuff like non-verbal communication!

Fucking brilliant.

So, basically, that’s it.

I had a lightbulb that writing is not only info-dumping as a way of sharing my interest and connecting with other people, but also that perhaps it’s that way for lots of other people too. And I wanted to share that with you.

Which makes me wonder, maybe, is there also less need for reciprocity in autistic relationships? Because it’s less about turn taking in conversation and more about just a shared appreciation for the information being given? Like, I feel connected to you reading this right now even though I don’t know who you are right this moment and you’re not reading it as I’m writing, you’ll be reading it at some point later. But I’ll carry that feeling of connectedness into my day, and feel a sense of companionship even though we haven’t actually spoken. And I don’t really have a need for any of that to be acknowledged by you, I just appreciate that warm feeling of general interconnectedness.

There are lots of other questions too - like are we seeing so many self-diagnoses thanks to information sharing on social media because actually lots of autistic people prefer to communicate like that so the proportion of neurodivergent people on social media is probably higher than in ‘real’ life? And are there more autistic writers than we realise? And do other people then really not have that sense of general interconnectedness? And is that why so many people can be utter dillweeds to each other?

SO many other questions too that I will allow to float around in the air and that I will leave there so that the fireworks don’t get too fizzy.

Bye.